So I just turned 21. And I guess lately I've been having a identity crisis of sorts.
You see, I'm a nerd. I'm obsessed with Marvel movies, Star Wars, and reading in general. Also, I'm a big fan of fantasy. Oh, and the BBC show Merlin. Seriously, don't talk to me about it ending.

And I have a tendecy to act and dress like a 16 year old boy/scene kid. Band/superhero tees, jeans that are kind of baggy (mainly because I have no ass to speak of), and converse.

And sure, I do get dressy. I wear skirts, and cute boots and flats and stuff. Just on most days, I don't. And sometimes, I wished that I dressed and looked more "my age".

But I've been thinking.. why am I bothered by this? Why don't I feel free to be me? I'm fucking 21, and I'm still as insecure as I was when I was 16. What is it that is holding me back from accepting the fact that I'm a completely different person than most of the people around me, and love that about me?

Just when I think my life is getting boring...

So, sometimes I wonder why I'm friends with a certain friend of mine. Take Friday night. She came over to play games with my family, because that's what kind of a friend she is.. more like a sister. And after both of us getting the feeling that someone was talking about us, she looks at me with wide eyes and texts me... instead of just saying what came to her mind. I knew this wasn't going to be good, so when I read the text asking me how would I feel going on a double date, I freaked.

  Let me explain further.

So. Not only was the date supposed to be the next night, I've never met either of the guys that we would be meeting. I was basically being brought along because my friend didn't want to drive down to meet this guy by herself. Not because she didn't trust him, just because she didn't want to or whatever. Apparently, when this guy asked her, and she responded as such, he came up with the idea of a double date, with either me or her best friend being the chosen ones. So after deciding on me (without asking me how I felt about all this), they went through my facebook pictures, where HE chose a picture that he thought was suitable to show to this guy.

 Meaning, I'd be the only one going in blind to this thing. Well. Finding this out all in one night sent me into a frenzy... and after thinking about it, it pissed me off.

First off, finding out that they refer to me as Good Girl, simply because I have traditional parents, and very little experience with guys didn't sit well at all.

Then, the fact that my FIRST EVER DATE would be a "hey, why not, she's kind of cute" kind of thing... really annoyed me. Even though the other friends I talked to about this encouraged me to go on this date (which didn't happen, in case you were wondering), I have decided that I wont.

Why? It's simple.

 I want my first date to be with someone who has gotten to know me, and wants to know me more. Mainly, HE WANTS TO BE WITH ME. No pity dates. I'm holding out for someone with balls.

Writing fiction.

You know why I like writing fiction? I can make anything happen. I can make up these unbelieveable situations, and I can make the invisible girl become the heroine.

That's how you know it's fiction you know...

When the normal, ordinary girl gets a guy.

Being real.

Okay, so I've tried to stay off this blog because I was trying to just stop whining about being single.

But you know what, I'm fucking single and it sucks.
I watch tv shows and movies and stuff that features couples being all coupley, and then I have people in my life who are getting married and engaged and it just hurts.

I just want to be with someone, and there's no one in my life and that is really hard. It's hard seeing people find their someone. It's hard wanting to find your someone, and there's just no one around.

Yeah. That's all.