I'm tired....

Of being invisible
Of never being listened to.
Of feeling alone.
Of wanting you.
Of crying over you.
I'm tired of dreaming, than waking up and realizing that what I dreamt will never come true.
I'm tired of being single.
I'm tired of not having someone to hold me.
I'm just fucking tired of being looked over.


Notice me damnit.

I want...

To show you around my hometown.
To take you to the Fair.
To hold your hand.
To have your hand around my waist.
To have you look at me like I'm the only one for you.
To have silly romantic pictures.
You to make me laugh when I want to cry.
To hold me when I'm feeling lonely.
Someone I can call, no matter what.
Someone who will like all my quirks.
Someone who gets me.
I want your beautiful blue eyes to look into mine, while I'm wrapped in your arms.
I want you to sing to me.
To write songs about me.
I want to live out stupid sappy country music songs with you.
I want you to know who I am.
To realize I'm alive....

I guess we can't always get what we want, can we?

Christian Ramble.

You know what? We as a human race need to get over being politically correct. You know what I mean? We are so worried about offending and excluding people that whole religions are created that are supposed to make everyone feel good and happy.

Well life isn't like that. You can't feel good and happy all the time. Shit happens, and if you don't have a solid rock to stand on, then what happens?

I guess I'm biased. But a religion where you can have no god, many gods, a nature god, be atheist, agnostic, whatever you want, all in one congregation.. that just seems confusing to me! I mean, when I go to a church, I want to know that the people whom I'm turning to for advice are going to give me advice that I can really truly take, since we share the same beliefs. Faith isn't about making people happy. You can't make everyone happy all at once.

 No matter what you do, your going to piss someone off. By saying that you accept all beliefs, your being a pushover. Isn't that funny?

 If you don't go with the flow, you're a stuck-up, close-minded conservative fundimentalist. And yet, if you do go with the flow, you're a push-over, who doesn't know where they stand. Well.. I know where I stand. I am a Christian.

God is real, He created this world, and me. I was not an accident. He loves me, just the way I am, but he wants me to grow and mature and be a better person

. I am a Christian. I cuss. I don't know where I stand on gay marriage. I think that abortion is wrong. I believe that a woman DOES have a choice. She has the choice to either use birth control, or not have sex if she's not ready for a baby. Because that is a by-product of sex. Babies. Take RESPONSIBILITY for your actions!!! - But I digress. I believe that we need to love people, no matter who they are-gay, straight, bi, democrat, republican, black, white, Asian, East Indian, Mexican, Canadian :-P.

  I am a Christian. I can be hypocritical. I can be judgemental. I fail. I'm not perfect. But I follow a God who is. He preaches love. He preaches standing apart from the world. He preaches a narrow path. It's not a wide road, full of choices. It's one choice, one path, single file. He preaches forgviness. He preaches jealousy-HE is jealous of the world. Isn't that funny? He is a jealous, possesive person. He is a husband. He wants us to love Him and only Him. And He doesn't ask much. And really, what he asks is not that hard! Some people don't like all the rules... But without rules, what happens? What happens to that child who never got told no, and always got their way? They turn into spoiled, discontent people, who can never be happy because the world is not fair, and they can't get their way.

Is that really the kind of people we want to be? Hopping from religion to religion when the one we were currently following doesn't make us happy anymore? I don't think so.

Being on Pintrest awakens the dreamer in me... I love finding things that I want to do for my future home, for my future wedding, and all the fun sayings and such.... But there is a downside to this awakening. It often comes with a slight melancholy due to the fact that my future nuptials seem so far away.. along with the man. Dreaming about him is bad for me... But he's the only one I want

Just some crazy ramblings from my brain.

So... You know how you know those people who over-analyze EVERTYHING, and over-think about situations, and basically just drive themselves (and you as well) crazy? I'm one of those people. I blame it on the fact that I'm not very good at reading people, so in some situations, I have no frickin clue what the hell is going on. I don't know if some guy is flirting with me.. or if he's just trying to sell me something because he's on commission or something (looking at you Hot Topic guys). But as annoying as I'm sure it is to other people around me, it's just as-if not more- annoying to me. There are some social situations where I don't know how to operate.. then I end up making an ass outta myself because I'm a freak like that. I'm not harsh on myself at all, am I? So the next time you want to strangle your friend because she seems so obtuese ( Is that how you spell that? Gosh, this thing needs instant spellcheck.. they updated the layout, but no spellcheck??)(anyways..), give her a little grace.. she is obtuese, and she needs your help.

Dreams and Passions.

So here's the thing.

I am planning on become an interpretor. I plan on using that degree to work in the Deaf schools. The Deaf community and kids are some of my passions, and I am so excited to be able to combine them and do something that I will hopefully love.

But I'd be lying if I said that it was my only dream. You see, I love to sing and act. I've been told I'm pretty good at both. I would LOVE to one day be on the Broadway stage. I even have a list of parts that, if I played them, I could die a happy woman. But you see, I'm not one of those people who say that that's what they are going to do with their lives. I'm not one of those people who move down to LA or to New York, live in crappy apartments, and work a crappy job, just hoping and praying for that one break. I can't.

You may ask why?

Because I don't take risks. I don't. The odds of me getting on to Broadway, or to get a singing career are so slim, I can't make the choice to try and make it. I'd rather do something that I know I can make a living off of. I can't go to UCLA or whereever and get a degree in musical theatre. Where would that get me? Waitressing? Making coffee? I want more out of my life than that.
I don't want to be living my life for someday. I've done that for so long, and I still am. I'd rather do something that I still have a passion for, but that I know I'll be able to pay rent.

And if that makes me boring, whatever. BUT, just because I'm not willing to get a degree in it, doesn't mean that I'm not passionate about it.

AND, I am planning on trying out for those shows like American Idol and The Voice. But probably after I get my degree. And who knows? Maybe after I finish school, I'll move to New York, and give Broadway a shot.

Dreams can wait.

New Leaf and all that jazz.

So. I'm going to try to make this blog an actual blog. Like post about my opinions and stuff like that.
So I went through my posts and deleted a bunch. Yup, they're gone... never to return and thank heavens for that. Some of those posts... yeash. They should have never been written down, let alone posted on the interweb. I did keep some of them, since they had some merit, but I would rather people just ignore them.

So... I don't really know where I'm going to head with this "new" blog. I feel like I should at least give some background on me, just so that whomever stumbles across this wild bunch of ramblings knows a wee bit about the writer...

So what the hell right?

Well. As I'm writing this, my nose is so stuffed up, I have become a member of the mouth breathing club. Seriously, me and Darth Vader are buds.. we sound alike and everything. Whenever I get a cold, it seems to always end up settling in my nose.. which is quite possibly one of the worst places for it to settle. Really I'd rather it not settle anywhere on my person, but that's beside the point. Also, it seems that I always get these damn things when I have some important speaking engagement, like a presentation at school, or, like this weekend, an interview for a job that I really want. Murphy, your a bastard.

So I don't know what that little ramble just told you about me, but hopefully you're still with me... hold on, I gotta try to blow my nose....
ugh. Didn't help. Kill me now.

Anyhoo.. about me.. Gosh, I don't even know what to say.
I'm a small town girl, who despite her astrological sign, likes the simple things in life. I love a bargain, and I'm not the biggest fan of name brands. I figure my jeans from Wal-Mart are just as good as your American Eagle ones, and cheaper too! My one exemption would be my Converse. I LOVE my Converse. But I'm not ashamed to admit I have a few off-brand version of those as well.
I can be loud. I have found my volume control in the last few years, now I'm just looking for my filter and my on/off switch. So far, no luck, but I'll keep you posted ;-).
I'm currently not in school-HALLELUJAH!! But I'm hoping to go to California State University Nortridge, for a degree in ASL (That's American Sign Language for all of those who are not in the know)/English Interpretering.
Music and me, We're tight. I love it. There will be a couple of posts about music I'm sure. Aaaah. Music.
Hm... Not sure what else to say, although this is one of my wordy posts that I've ever written. So we'll leave it at that, and I'll bid everyone an adieu!
A.