Dreams...

The Dutch side of me finds it so hard to dream. I have problems getting out of my comfort zone... frankly, it scares the shit out of me.

But I long to dream and I long to do great things.

I dream of a day where I leave this sleepy little Podunk town, and go to a city like New York.. become an actress and a singer. I feel like maybe I could be that girl... the normal girl who becomes the famous person on the red carpet.

I also dream of finding a man. Yes, right now the dream is that I meet Him and he falls in love with me, and we enter this amazing relationship and he loves me.

But I can't.

I can't dream. It scares me to think about leaving my little town. And I mean, my voice may be great for this little town and it may impress the people around me... But if I were to get into a big city, I'd just be another girl trying to be Lea Michele.

And I know that I can't dream about Him. It's not going to happen.

It's so hopeless.

Lost...

I'm happy for her. I really am. But I just want to scream.

She's another person who has found someone who finds her beautiful, and he wants to get to know everything about her. HE WANTS HER.

She was my confidant-the one person who understood where I was at in my life, and now she's crossed over to the dark side.

I am utterly and completely alone....

and lost.