The Past Does Hurt....

Have you ever thought about your past decisions?

Like what if you had said yes instead of no, or vise versa?

You see, I just found an old IM conversation (remember those?)... it was between a guy friend and I. He sent me a song called "I Need To Know" by Marc Anthony.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7hcEHmeDrw

Basically he was asking if I liked him. I thought I didn't, and I told him so. I then asked him if he liked me. He said no.

But as I was listening to the song today-since the conversation brought it up, the lyrics would suggest that he lied.... And I don't know how to feel about that. Now he's married, with a kid. I can't see myself in that life right now... But would we have dated? What would that have been like? Did he lie? Or did he also see me as a friend as he said? Should I have asked what he felt first?

And all these questions are driving me crazy! I wish I could have seen what direction my life would have taken, had that conversation gone a different way....

He said that I had a way with words... but right now, I feel like the words that I need are gone. How do I describe the feeling in my chest, knowing of a possible missed opportunity? It causes me to wonder how many other similar opportunities I have missed, all these years... Am I the one to blame for my singleness? Me and only me?

My head and heart hurt now.. so I think I'll leave this pile of musings alone for now... or maybe forever.

Brighter than the Sun

We’re worlds apart
But if I believe all the movies
People from two different worlds can find each other and find a happily ever after
How I wish you were my happily ever after.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the moon

Borrowing light to make myself shine bright.
I wish I was like the sun,
But I’m not, I’m just the moon.

In case you didn’t realize
You are the sun
You’re making your own path
Chasing your dreams
While I’m too scared to take that leap
I play by the rules, so I don’t get burned

 

Sometimes I feel like I’m the moon
Borrowing light to make myself shine bright
I wish I was like the sun
But I’m not, I’m just the moon.

 
So could the two of us, find a way to each other
Across this wide universe
Even though I’m too scared to jump
And you’re too bright to notice me
Could we find a way to make it work

 

Because I’m tired of being the moon
I want to shine bright like you
One way or another,
I’ll find my way to you

 And we’ll shine brighter than the sun together.