The Past Does Hurt....

Have you ever thought about your past decisions?

Like what if you had said yes instead of no, or vise versa?

You see, I just found an old IM conversation (remember those?)... it was between a guy friend and I. He sent me a song called "I Need To Know" by Marc Anthony.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7hcEHmeDrw

Basically he was asking if I liked him. I thought I didn't, and I told him so. I then asked him if he liked me. He said no.

But as I was listening to the song today-since the conversation brought it up, the lyrics would suggest that he lied.... And I don't know how to feel about that. Now he's married, with a kid. I can't see myself in that life right now... But would we have dated? What would that have been like? Did he lie? Or did he also see me as a friend as he said? Should I have asked what he felt first?

And all these questions are driving me crazy! I wish I could have seen what direction my life would have taken, had that conversation gone a different way....

He said that I had a way with words... but right now, I feel like the words that I need are gone. How do I describe the feeling in my chest, knowing of a possible missed opportunity? It causes me to wonder how many other similar opportunities I have missed, all these years... Am I the one to blame for my singleness? Me and only me?

My head and heart hurt now.. so I think I'll leave this pile of musings alone for now... or maybe forever.