I'm trying so hard to be a independent single woman. To not need a man. To be content with this stage in my life....
But it's so hard.
I want to be in a relationship! I want the guy to sweep me off my feet, to romance me, to hold me, to kiss me... everything. I want to feel pretty and desired...
It's so hard being single when so many people around me are married, or engaged, or living with a serious boyfriend (not that I'm really okay with that but whatever)... I just feel so lame, living at home, my whole life being TV shows and stupid stuff like that.
And even though my life is going to get busier now, with tutoring, and work, and Awana, and small group.. (oh my, I do a lot don't I?)... I still want someone to have plans with on Friday or Saturday night... even if it is just watching a movie. I want to be able to take someone to my stupid work Christmas party since I can't take my dad like I was going to.
I guess it's okay to want these things though... It means I'm human. I just wish that I knew what God had planned for me in this area of my life! My love life has pretty much been the one thing that I have always had trouble handing over to Him.. I guess it's like I think that He hasn't been doing a very good job.. and maybe I'll do a better one.. but I doubt it! Every guy I've liked definitely hasn't been The One. I see that now that I'm over them, but at the time... *sigh*.
How is it that I feel so old? Being 16 and infatuated with Sam feels like years ago.. And I guess it was technically but still...
I need to end this post since now I'm just rambling.
*Sigh*
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