Thursday, August 18, 2011

A days worth of emotions all put into one late night ramble.

Where to start? How do I manage to comprehend the feelings and emotions that I'm feeling right now? ...

I ramble.

Last night, my dear friend/almost sister got hurt. Not physically but mentally. And I was thrust into the position that she has always been in for me as a comforter and spirit-lifter.

But I was so lost. I didn't know what to do, what to say. I've never had experience with what she dealt with. I felt unprepared, and I feel like I failed.

And I don't like failure. I hate the way it makes me feel. It makes me feel worthless, clumsy, and childish.

And then I feel bad because I've made this about me and not her... which makes me selfish to boot.

AND then I feel upset, because why do I feel this way? Why can't I be happy with who I am?

Maybe because the person I am is a nobody, who develops pathetic crushes guys I can't have-who are way out of my league.

You knew this was where it was going right?

It always goes back to him... How could it not? He's all I ever think about...

But I shouldn't. Especially since according to one Twitter post he has someone special. "His Girl".

That's something I'll probably never be...someone's girl. Like I said.. Who wants a nobody?

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